wow. i'm impressed. i don't remember ever getting callouses this thick when i was playing violin. now my callouses from guitar are so thick, they've changed the shape of my fingers. my left fingertips are more bulbous than my right fingertips. i've also lost a lot of sensitivity in my left fingers. i can trace my middle finger along a surface, and it would feel like there's a layer of something between my finger and the surface.

i worked through all of wherever you may go by the calling. i worked out a fingerpicking pattern for the bridge, so the entire song could be fingerpicked. it sounds decent, i guess. i just need to memorize the lyrics now.

i must be going through a renaissance of sorts in guitar playing. after i got back into playing guitar two weeks ago, i've been avidly practicing, using much of my free time (and some of my work time) to learn. can't exactly say that i'm good at it; that'll take a long while. but i've snagged some tabs off the internet and added them to my repertoire. i just have to play them enough to memorize them, so i don't have to be looking at the music while i'm playing. much more freedom that way.

stayed up quite late last night (about 530ish) messing around with wonderwall, and all for you. joe was actually up and studying for his solids exam. it was fun actually talking to him, swapping stories, watching music vids, instead of how we normally don't interact much with each other. janey came over around four in the morning, too, to take a break from studying for his cal exam. it's weird, only in a college dorm could you randomly walk over to a neighbor's dorm and expect him to be awake.

wednesday's cs exam was a joke. i thought i was going to fail; i did admirably. however, in a fit of stupidity, i bought tickets to madrigal dinner for the exact time of that exam. i was so pissed at myself for not realizing the conflict of scheduling. so mike went with an extra ticket, and i took my exam. however, miraculously, one of vijay's friends gave him a free ticket for saturday's show. and so he gave it to me! wahooo! i'm going to madrigal dinner! i get to see vijay pilfer stuff from people! i get to eat good food! i didn't waste $18.25! however, i'll be taking time away from mike..... =\

i should shower and get something to eat. i have guitar class at three, where i'll have to play leaving on a jet plane or five hundred miles for the rest of the class. but i like sitting here in an alarming state of undress, posting to receptacle, listening to hotel california.

yayyy! katrina likes my song! sweet! i played it for her today, and she liked it! yessssss! it feels so good to have people compliment your creations. thanks so much kat. ^_^

Raging Aardvark: i want a bowl of peace, a dash of happiness, and a taste of love
Raging Aardvark: i want to look into a cracking fireplace, and feel content
sibyleris: you're making me hungry. of course, that could be a metaphor.
sibyleris: i would add the flavor of beauty

i'm cold. i need to shower, or at least put on some clothes. i need to put in my contacts, brush my teeth, and unpack my stuff from last weekend. but i don't want to. i want to put off getting warm. i sit here in the cold, feeling half-alive, but mostly dead. i want to play thief by our lady peace on the acoustic guitar, and have it sound good. i want to be able to write beautifully. i want to feel the pulse of life again, filling me with vibrancy.

i really liked kat's post on 7-11.

last night, it finally came out in the open between me and joe. i was writing my song on my bed, and joe was on his computer, when the couple next door started doing it again. just as loudly as always.

patrick: do you... *jerks head toward wall*
joe: *sigh* you know, they do it every day. sometimes twice or three times a day.
patrick: really? i don't think i've heard it that often.
joe: yeah. i mean, i wouldn't mind nearly as much, if they didn't do so freakin' often
patrick: yeah, i know what you mean. i wanted to bang on the wall and tell them to shut the hell up last monday, when i was studying for an exam, but you were already asleep.
joe: hmm, i wonder if..... *clicks mouse a few times, cranks speaker volume* here we go!
*more human than human begins to play on his winamp*

so now, we have a new game: piss off the people having sex next door. joe reported tonight that he saw the chick in question, and evidently she is very hot. it would seem that she's very giving, as well....

i swear, there are some things that you'll only do in college. last night, around 230 or so, joe got a contemplative look upon his face, left the room with vijay, and came back with his car speakers, and started jury rigging. so now we have two jl audio speakers hooked up to my stereo system. of course, we couldn't let such a beautiful thing go to waste: we immediately blasted music in the dead of the night, so loudly that parts of the ceiling were beginning to vibrate. i thought that this, of all things, would annoy some people to the point of complaint. but, no! our apathetic neighbors still did nothing at all! no knocks on the door, no pounding on the wall, no shouts of "shut the fuck up!" *sigh* whatever happened to love thy neighbor? they don't even love us enough to bitch us out....

so now i'm trying to record the damn song. it's an annoying-as-shit process. i've already done at least 25 takes, and i still can't get it good. at any rate, it matters little: i found that sound recorder only supports 60 seconds of .wav recording. so now i have to d/l and install another sound recording program..... plus, i've already bought me a sprite, which is bad for the vocal cords. maybe i'll just record it tomorrow morning or something.....

installation complete. time for a restart.

a new list started last month: michael, rose, robert, teresa, christina, rebecca

MImeSSRus: Your muse has abandoned you?
MImeSSRus: She on hiatus?
Raging Aardvark: she's warbling away at some karaoke bar
Raging Aardvark: and what i write in song is what i can make of her drunken screeching

erg. the song is finally finished, but i'm still left with a burning desire to do something more. this song was supposed to give a name to an emotion, but it didn't quite turn out right. and now, i feel like i need to create something more to put myself at ease....

it's so frustrating. my writing and now my music don't turn out the way i imagine them to be. it's like vijay and michael were saying about their art. you've got this perfect picture in your head, but you can never get it just right. i wonder if the big-name artists, like collective soul or matchbox twenty, ever had that kind of trouble. their songs always seem so perfect, so expressive....

oh well.....

finally finished my song for guitar class. it's a piece of crap, though. didn't turn out to be what i wanted it to be... -_-

Fishes

He walked out
To the lonely lake
He sat down
On the broken bench
He cried aloud
To the stars above
I just don't think that I can
Handle going home tonight

Chorus:
You wouldn't get it
Said the boy to the fishes
You wouldn't understand my world
But you can't hide forever
From the touches and the tethers
That leave your emotions unfurled

Mom and Dad
Drifted through his thoughts
He caught his breath
On the chilly night
Would they take him in
With open arms?
He just don't think that he could
Handle going home tonight

Chorus

The sirens rose
And they slept again
It's been a year
Since he lost his trust
Could he go back?
Could he start anew?
Oh, how he wished that he could
Handle going home tonight

Chorus x2

© 2001 patrick yang